These are the actual experiences of New Jersey Residents in the failing NJ Family Court system. The detrimental consequences to the life of their children are immeasurable. Most of these stories were compiled by Jeffrey Dobkin for New Jersey Alimony Reform (NJAR).
NJAR is a group of women and men who helped end permanent alimony in New Jersey with promoting the Alimony Reform Act of 2014. I have summarized these stories that can be read in their entirety here.
Lynn Sebold: 49 yr old mother of two who divorced her abusing husband after 14 years. Lost her 6 figure job, lost her 4-bedroom home, spent $85,000 in legal fees, moved with her parents, and pays her abusive husband alimony.
Lynn Sebold says:
May 8, 2014 at 8:27 am
I am a woman who pays alimony to my abusive ex spouse and I have custody of our 2 children.
Until I went thru the divorce process myself I had no idea how for so many years, men have been abused and unjustly treated by the family court system…the stories I hear are terrible where good men, wonderful fathers are kept from their own children because of vindictive ex spouses who make false claims etc. It is outrageous that a woman would hurt her children in this way…by keeping the one most important person in a child’s life from them. The family court system and the divorce industry must be exposed for what it is…a corrupt system where the lawyers and courts profit off of the destruction of families. Divorce lawyers are truly bottom feeders.
George DiDonato: Married for 14 years and had 4 children. Had a prenuptial agreement prior to the marriage that was overturned in the divorce trial. Net worth at the time of separation: nearly $5,000,000. Slammed with a fake domestic violence complaint, he was forced out of his house and away from his children by a judge who had literally no evidence of any violence over the fourteen years of marriage. It took 3.5 years from the restraining order to get the final divorce decree. He was jailed for five days for missing ONE PAYMENT, ONE DAY LATE.
He ended up filing bankruptcy and lost his entire $5,000,000 net worth. He lost his business, his credit, and all retirement savings, and his home, the most of which was PRE MARITAL assets.
The time he had to spend in jail caused him to develop post traumatic stress disorder, partial loss of vision in one eye, and other inoperable spinal conditions from being forced to sleep on concrete floors with no cushions, and deprived of all his needed medications for five days. His ex remained in the $1.5 million pre marital home for nearly 7 years free and then let the house go to bankruptcy.
He has four children who have no college funds, no automobiles, no health insurance, no inheritance, no nothing.
Dottie Holmes: Mother of two. Her ex husband was an alcoholic who could not keep a job. He felt no urgency about obtaining employment as, according to him, he could just live off of his wife. When she decided she could no longer live with his chaos and abuse, she sought a divorce. The NJ Family court forced her to pay lifetime alimony to a drunk who refuses to work. Besides alimony, he cashed out half of a retirement account she scrimped to save over the years. Additionally, he gets part of her pension when she retires.
John Waldorf: Arrested and incarcerated for the crime of not paying alimony to his ex-wife. The Family Court judge ordered John to pay more in alimony than his income - an obligation he couldn’t meet. This ruling was later overturned by a higher court, but John had already spent over two months in jail.
The Court awarded his wife $6100/month for living expenses while he was trying to live on $1,400/month. In September of 2009, through a business re-alignment, he became unemployed. He cashed in his 401K to continue paying the $6100. The Divorce proceedings took 4 years. Attorney fees reached $100,000. John has a son.
“Debtor’s prisons are still alive and well in the United States. I can take the incarceration, but the after effects shutter me to my bones. It completely destroys any relationship with your children.”
Financial Comptroller Scott McClymont: Financial Comptroller Scott McClymont can’t escape thoughts of a bleak future due to his monthly lifelong alimony payments. Following a 12 year marriage, Scott now has to work three jobs to make alimony and child support payments — which equate to 60% of his income. When you add in mandatory college tuition and expenses for his oldest son, his payments exceed 70% of his earnings. Scott works to barely survive, and considers himself one among the “working poor” in New Jersey. The working poor — despite his college education, managerial status and solid middle-class upbringing. Scott questions why the person who works the hardest winds up with the least after a divorce.
Dean Dobkin, MD, FACEP: Dean is a 59-year-old medical doctor, well respected in his profession, specialized in Emergency Medicine. Most of his marriage his wife hired and fired maids and nanny’s; while he longed to spend more time with the children. He worked hard and supported the family. Without provocation, and without any basis whatsoever, his ex-wife fabricated a “domestic violence” story to get him out of the marital home (paid for with the sweat of his brow). Based on a blatant lie, he was arrested in front of his three young children and led out of his own home in handcuffs.
Charges were later dropped and his record “expunged” on the basis of her admission that he neither intimidated her nor laid a finger on her. Her plan succeeded, though: he was banned from seeing his children due to a restraining order and ordered to pay her every expense for 2 years till the final divorce. He received a life sentence; $5,000/month for life in alimony, in addition to a huge child support payment.
He is now working three different jobs to pay bills; and he has “borrowed” over $120,000 from family and credit card companies. Despite significant health problems-he has no prayer of retirement. He has no money. The Court requires him to insure his life for $2,000,000 - so she can be even richer if he dies.
Frederick Preziosi: After a 17 year marriage he found out his wife had an affair and when confronted about it she asked for a divorce. After Court proceedings his wife relocated 95 miles away, he is raising his two children alone, and has to pay her $1,400 per month for life.
Frank DiPasquale: 25 year marriage that ended in divorce. He had three children. During those 25 years he was self-employed as a carpenter. Not a union carpenter, just him- a one man show. His ex-wife was a Registered Nurse who worked regularly until the children came. She wanted to stay home with the children and he agreed it was the right thing for a man to do for his family.
He worked 12-14 hr days for over 20 years to financially support his family- and sometimes it still wasn’t enough. A retirement savings was out of the question. For this, at divorce time, the NJ Family court concluded he should be imputed an income of $95,000 based on his ex-wife’s indulgent Case Information Statement and his “business” revenue. This was baffling since he had never made over $55,000- EVER.
He was ordered to pay $33,600 per year in alimony (60% of his income). To add insult to injury, the economy tanked as did his construction business. He fell quickly behind in alimony & child support. He tried to modify and was quickly denied. He was arrested on a warrant in 2007 and incarcerated.
“It speaks a real truth when a man- with no criminal record- is handcuffed, strip searched, handed a bright orange jumpsuit and thrown in county jail for loss of employment and not having the ability to pay his support. And for those who say it doesn’t happen- talk to me, and I’ll tell you about the 10 other guys they brought in that night in the same boat. The system is severely, severely broken.”
Charles Ciraulo: He was divorced in 2003 in Burlington County, New Jersey. Prior to his divorce his ex-wife’s drug abuse and alcoholism was unbearable to his four children and him. He did not fight for custody, they all came willingly and he did get full custody of all four. He was ordered to pay his ex-wife $52,000 per year in permanent alimony.
Brian S. Mills: Father of two. Brian became disabled during his NJ divorce. Hon. Joseph Quinn, ordered him to pay $2,800 a month in support while he was on NJ State disability. His SSD checks are garnished leaving him with less than $1300 a month and tens of thousands in arrears. He has been ordered to pay over $30,000.00 of his ex wife’s legal fees.
Brian submitted proof of abandonment of the oldest daughter by her mother, proof of financial and medical neglect, and proof of squalor in the children’s home. Nothing was ever done about the welfare of the children.
He has made attempts to see his youngest daughter, but her mother will not even acknowledge his requests in spite of being awarded liberal visitation. He has made several attempts to enforce his visitation rights to no avail.
“The family court in NJ is broken and corrupt. The children‘s best interests are not even considered. The lawyers are making obscene amounts of money tearing families and children apart and it needs to stop! Why must one parent live in poverty and have no rights while another breaks the law and wins the lottery?”
John Pollack: He had been working as a truck driver for 10 years and had bought his own home. In 1991 his wife had had many drug and alcohol related issues. Many of his friends and family along with hers told him to get out, but he tried for many more years to help fix her. He was caretaker for his sons and worked two jobs to manage their lives. By 2002 she had been in approximately 30 rehabs. The year he put his youngest son in college he was finished. So in September 2003 he was granted a divorce but not without a severe consequence. He lost his house, and his pension that he had worked very hard for since the age of 18. His ex-wife is located on a beach in Florida with no responsibilities.
Surender Malhan: In a 2011 hearing Judge Sivilli stripped Surender Malhan, a New Jersey father, of his custody rights on a mere two hours’ notice without affording him an opportunity to refute his estranged wife’s allegations. Sivilli prohibited Malhan from cross examining his wife or presenting physical evidence that would further demonstrate his parental fitness. The mother retained sole custody of the children for sixteen months until she agreed to joint custody in June 2012; during that time Malhan was never granted a plenary hearing.
Malhan, along with five other parents, filed a class action lawsuit in Federal Court that is currently pending. The class action suit alleges that the New Jersey family court system fails to provide adequate due process rights to parents in child custody proceedings.
Read the recent article on the New Jersey Law Journal: Fathers File New Class Action Complaint Against Family Judges
Florentina Rusanovschi: her son taken away and given to his sexually abusive father by the NJ Family Court system. Rusanovschi and her child’s father are divorced. Up until May of 2011, they shared custody of their then, 11-years-old son.
Slowly, the child began to open up and reveal to his mother, other family members, as well as to his doctors, and therapists, disturbing stories of how his father was making him do things that were of a sexual nature, including oral sex. According to the child’s revelations, the abuse had started as far back as when he was 5 years old. Moreover, the child disclosed of enduring, verbal and physical abuse from both – his father, and his paternal grandmother – with whom he lives.
Rusanovsky was advised by the child’s doctor, to home-school the child, while an investigation was taking place.
Through a series of negligent and criminal acts, the Division of Youth and Family Services, of Burlington County New Jersey and the lower family court in Burlington County, NJ violated her son’s Constitutional and Human right to live in a safe environment, and failed to protect him from harm. Judge Hains – the presiding judge - placed the child in the sole custody of his father!
Rusanovschi’s case is still under appeal. Meanwhile, she is not allowed to see her child, alone and/or unsupervised, and when she sees him, she has to pay for the supervised visits – which she simply can’t afford, as she was ordered to pay child support to her son’s abuser.
Read the entire article on examiner.com: Is Family Court violating parental constitutional rights?
Amie Shalom: Mother of one survival twin seeking protection from the government ended in a web trap of malicious corrupted family court system. Her child ends up with his abusive father who ends up being connected with lawyers and Judges. Amie published her case online. The corrupt Judge Terry Paul Bottinelli on the case followed up with a gag order muting her freedom of speech rights. Amie has published a website painfulsilence.com. This is a Bergen County case. As of 2015, Amie has not seen her son for 2.5 years.
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The above, are just a few of the hundreds of children’s horror stories unraveling daily in the chambers of the NJ Family Court system.
“In the United States of America, all Parental Rights are guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution. Your rights as a parent are yours, you have been born with these fundamental parental rights, that are basic to the fabric of our society, which no man has given, and no court has the right to deny, unless you have been proven unfit, or a clear and present danger to the child, or children involved.”
The NJ Family Court system and corrupt Judges like Daniel D’ Alessandro are the source of massive violations of Federal parental rights and must be stopped.
